Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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