We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
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