i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think a kid would responsible me up
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
