I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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