i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
