Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
