When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
