the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
