just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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