You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
