She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Randomize
