it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I think I just sharted jello shots
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