You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
its liver damage thursday
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize