You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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