never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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