I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
