This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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