I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize