Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
