Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
