I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
