It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
