Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
