I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
