It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
A+ Viking dick
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