I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize