i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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