Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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