Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
