He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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