Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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