I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
