If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
