Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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