my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
