kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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