boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
