Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
