Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
