I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
