He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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