You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
