Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
