I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize