I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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