Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
