so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
