the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
