your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
