You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
