i just google imaged poop.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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