So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
