Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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