Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
When did angry sex become our thing?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
