I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
