I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
