He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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