And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
