This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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