I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
