I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
