So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My ass is underappreciated
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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