well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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