she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
