Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
