Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
