You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
