they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
