you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
