Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
