We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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