Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
