Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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