I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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