i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
