if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
