u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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