you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
