How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
