My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
