I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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