So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
50% drunk capacity currently
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
