bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This is the high leading the old right now
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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