he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
