don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
