Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
