I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
