she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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