I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
