I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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