All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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