but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
