ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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