"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize