you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
