3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
