I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
