Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
