I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
