Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
