take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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