I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize