So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
