Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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