she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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