I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
love makes seman taste better
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
