You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
